soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
