I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
