Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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