This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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