My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
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Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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