I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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