He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize