Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
