I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Boobs speak an international language.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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