Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize