A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
