Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
