no, he came in my armpit
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
