I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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