my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
