I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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