One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
