I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
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I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
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Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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