So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize