i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
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I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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