dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
