Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
