i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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