I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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