some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
