i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
