just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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