I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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