Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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