Will you blow on my dice?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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