Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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