Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We smell like vodka and hangover
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