I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My vagina just clenched in fear
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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