barbara walters just said penis...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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