i just wanna soil my oats bro
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
