The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
