i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
