Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
