She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
