How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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