i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize