I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
