my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
