the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
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I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
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Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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