I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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