I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
