i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
