I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
