kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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