theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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