hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
