just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
