we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
