You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
