You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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