overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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