Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize