Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
