All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
