Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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