yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
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There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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