This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
