I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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