I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
